I have a habit… Every time I visit the place I grew up in, I like touching base with the old maids who used to help my mom when i was growing up…!! I make it a point to do this every time i visit the place again, because i find it a very humbling experience. It helps me look beyond the cozy, comfy homes i stay in, the A/C cars i travel in and the plush offices i work in… It helps me stay in touch with the side of India, I am fortunate of having never seen nor experienced! Gives me another chance to thank God!
Every visit is enlightening in its own sense… It brings to the fore, the plight of women living in despicable conditions… trying hard to make ends meet by working as helps in different households. The visit this time was another enlightening experience…
Spoke to two such ladies. One who comes to my house. She is about 45. Has a teenage son. Her husband worked in Mumbai and left her for another woman. I got a lot gyan from her and was actually stunned when she told me, “Its better to live alone. Get married only if you think the guy is worth it”!
Met one lady when she was sitting downstairs. I bumped into her and started a talk. Soon discovered that she had been divorced. She is all of 20. Had gotten married a couple of years ago. She fell ill… Used to faint frequently… the guy left her. Now she is staying with her mother and is determined to get well and marry some one “good”.
I admire both these women for the poise and effort with which they have moved on! But, this din stop me from wondering… what is the matter with these men?
The only light in this ever-darkening cave comes from the fact that these women are becoming more and more self-dependent and can fend for themselves…. but, ofc, that doesnt stop me from calling these men MCPs!
What is the full form of MCP?
By: lallopallo on March 25, 2008
at 7:28 pm
At the risk of being called an MCP myself, (lallopallo MCP – Male Chauvinist Pig), i want to question some of the assumptions you have made here …. first assumption that u have made here is that the fault in both the cases were that of the man…oh come on!! u are gonna ask the woman whose fault it was for the break down of the relationship…u havent heard the man’s side of the story which could give u a completely diff picture …(disclaimer: am just stating that i dont know both sides of the story so cant make a judgement here) …so we cant make feminist comments without knowing the truth….
secondly there is one really important question which is striking my mind here… what has changed since the old days … women have become more independent and i would assume that they have become smarter as well but then why cant they make their husbands stick around them like women in older times?? There is a natural contradiction here… i thought with time we are supposed to move forward not backward…. believe me, women have it in them to make men come to them back home like honeybees… so what has changed so much??
By: Shyam on March 25, 2008
at 8:09 pm
Hey Nova…It was indeed a great post…
Being affiliated with Medico and political family, I can surely say that 99% of the time, only men are responsible for the pity conditions by which women go thru and suffer…Still I cant see a little bit of gender equality in India…areee even in so-called ‘forward and developed’ nation like US is not yet ready for Hilary clinton as their first lady president…So wherever u go, men are pigs always..Sorry to say this but it’s a fact !!!
By: Soham on March 26, 2008
at 5:01 am
Don’t know if the MCP variety has increased in the world population.
However, with education and societal changes, there has been an increase in the number of women who are more self-aware and value themselves.
Hence the rise in break ups in India. If a marriage was not an equal relationship between man and woman, it did not need to carry on. In earlier times, marriages continued for sake of society and children.
These days’ women have become smarter. Women still may not take the first step in breaking their marriages. But they are smart enough to realize that break ups are not always bad for them, it could mean a new lease of life. More and more women now realize that one can make a mistake in marrying the ‘wrong’ man. And one does not need to live under the shadow of that mistake forever. This is amply displayed by the attitudes of both the women in this story.
The attitude of these women gladdens my heart. I know how hard it is to reach a level where a woman can have the attitude that she has a life herself. And her life does not begin or end with the first man she met and married.
By: Anamika on March 26, 2008
at 5:13 am
I was also wondering what is MCP. Thanks to Shyam and Nova, I know that now. No comments on the issue though.
By: Poonam Sharma on March 26, 2008
at 6:11 am
I feel an urge to write a strong comment… But Thankfully, Shyam has done the trouble of opining my thoughts…
If you are generalizing about Men… i feel its not fair… come on… you must have known a lot of men who were so good to you as well…
And another point to bring is that “women have become smarter”… as far as i can remember… women were always smart… they still continue to be so… you have lot of examples for the same… do i need to stress anymore on it…
There are pigs and genuine good fellas in both the gender… This is a fact…
By: Gaurav on March 26, 2008
at 6:34 am
@Lallopallo: As mentioned by Shyam already… MCP stands for Male Chauvinist Pigs
@Soham: Thanks dude… I can totally relate to that sentiment of yours. Having seen poor patients myself, I can totally empathise with them… and their conditions!
By: Nova on March 26, 2008
at 8:04 am
Men are poor animals, especially those belonging to the poor classes. They work like donkeys to be called pigs in the end. Madam, also try talking someday to one of those mazdoors who get cooked in scorching summers to keep their women. They must have their own versions of the same stories you were told. Half truth is no good.
By: baryaal on March 26, 2008
at 8:17 am
@Shyam: I agree that i havent heard the man’s side of the story and trust me, his wife could have been an incarnation of Satan himself and I still wouldnt have any pity on him. The reason being, you may have had umpteen reasons to not marry a woman, but once married, nothing at all gives u the right to leave her. One a woman marries a guy, she leaves all that she has to be with the man. And if he treats her like this, then i think he doesnt deserve any empathy whatsoever! Lets say he really can not put up with her and so decides to leave her. In that case, leaving her because he had found another woman or because she was burden to him as she would remain ill and not be able to fend for herself. Call me a feminist, but i absolutely disagree to buy such reasons for divorce!
Now coming to your second point, there is no contradiction here whatsoever. Think of the by-gone era… whether it was kings having multiple wives or thakurs visiting kothas… the women were always suppressed and ill-treated! It is now that the women value themselves so much that they refuse to be treated this way! I really dont know what you mean by “smartness”, because if a man is a pig, no matter what the woman does, he will continue to be the pig he is! Maybe you should watch Sahib, biwi aur Ghulam to get a better idea of what I am saying.
By: Nova on March 26, 2008
at 8:30 am
@Gaurav: I never said all men are bad. Nor did I generalise men-folk. I was specifically talking about these two men in question here!
So, dont take me wrong! I agree pigs belong to both the genders, but you may want to look at the percentage of men who are pigs vis-a-vis the percentage of women who are pigs!
And yeah, I do think lot of men are good! No doubts about that. Afterall, I was born to one and I will be marrying one!
By: Nova on March 26, 2008
at 8:34 am
@Baryaal: Men and women both belonging to the downtrodden strata of the society unfortunately, have to work like donkeys! However, I cant understand, how your financial condition can make you leave the woman you married! Try and explain that to me. I would really like to know the reason here!
By: Nova on March 26, 2008
at 8:38 am
All I am saying is that every story has two sides. And not me, I am talking about those poor souls who are born poor, live poor, and die poor. You can judge them as you wish, or you can be fair to them. Poverty is the mother of all evils, and unfaithfulness is an evil, which the rich might afford, but the poor can’t, because the “abstract” notion of “honour” is all they have to live by and for. Ingratitude can be another reason. Or it may just get so difficult.
You tell, why would someone in his sane mind leave his life partner for no reason?
By: baryaal on March 26, 2008
at 9:13 am
hmm… agreed… % of men being pigs are more than women… no doubts about that…
But times have changed… there are umpteen examples where women are misusing/abusing their men’s behaviour without it actually being the case… and this number is fast increasing… and i wonder why is there no debate ever on this…
By: Gaurav on March 26, 2008
at 11:58 am
@Baryaal: Yap! I was not referring to you. I meant no sane person can justify such an action. I am asking the exact same question here.
“why would someone in his sane mind leave his life partner for no reason?”
@Gaurav: agreed! totally… maybe you should start such a topic on ur blog
By: Nova on March 26, 2008
at 12:09 pm
I have stopped blogging long back… FYI… I donno why but i lost all my enthu from the time our college got over…
By: Gaurav Singhvi on March 26, 2008
at 12:25 pm
@Gaurav: Kya yaar!?
Enthu kyun chala gaya??? 
By: Nova on March 26, 2008
at 12:27 pm
To know the reasons, we must first do away with the symbols of prejudice.
The biased caption and visual at the top,
And the name calling at the bottom
By: baryaal on March 26, 2008
at 12:50 pm
“the women were always suppressed and ill-treated! ”
Now thats taking things too far
. They may have been suppressed and ill-treated but was it always??
I guess you have seen Jodha Akbar
By: Rak on March 26, 2008
at 2:02 pm
“One a woman marries a guy, she leaves all that she has to be with the man.”
No one forces her to do that. If she does that for the sake of society, then GOD save her.
By: Rak on March 26, 2008
at 2:07 pm
“but once married, nothing at all gives u the right to leave her.”
How about the other way around? Would you say the same thing to a woman that she has no right to leave a man inspite of all his evil doings?
By: Rak on March 26, 2008
at 2:10 pm
Interesting comments … Rak agree with you on one and disagree on the other… yeah “the women were always suppressed and ill-treated! ”
is definitely taking it too far but its true that that a woman leaves all that she has to be with the man….nobody forces her but is there a way out?? When a man leaves his house to stay seperately its his wish but when a woman does that… there are a lot of fingers pointing at her …thats the fact of the society and we need to accept that… but it still doesnt justify the huge backlash against us poor men … hum jaise seedhe saadhe logon ka naam is spoilt because of some bad elements… even women have them in their group but they get saved cause they are always associated with that BECHARI feeling — as in bechari ghar chod ke aayi hai, bechari kitna kaam kar rahi hai, bechari makeup nahin kar pa rahi hai 2 ghante se
By: Shyam on March 26, 2008
at 2:14 pm
@Nova … on ur comments … i agree there is nothing which probably justifies leaving the woman… but again u havent heard the man’s side of the story… the reasons could be something so diff from another woman .. there can be cases when there might not be any other option… small eg… Lets say that the man in question came home and saw his wife having an affair with his neighbour… he leaves her… goes to the city and marries someone else.. do u think ur maid will accept the real reason ?? She would still say the same crap cause she will get sympathy and maybe a small raise from u
On ur 2nd point … women used to value themselves in earlier times as well… u say Men visited Kothas, please tell me why were they there on the first place?? we curse cigarrette and alcohol cos they are making products that make people harm their lives, but what about some of the women (who had joined that profession willingly) who are sowing the seeds to spoil a happy marriage ?? why does something like that happen in the first place?? About the comment once a pig always a pig…will ask u one question… later a kid is born in ur family and its a boy… is it a pig on birth?? no!! its upon u how u wanna make him… maybe that man was a pig earlier but once u marry him he starts afresh… cant u make him what u want???
By: Shyam on March 26, 2008
at 2:27 pm
@ Shyam…”thats the fact of the soceity and we need to accept that”
Society and its facts are very funny you see.. If women start staying back in their own houses then some years down the line it will become the fact of the society.
By: Rak on March 26, 2008
at 3:31 pm
@ Shyam…”thats the fact of the soceity and we need to accept that”
Society and its facts are very funny you see.. If women start staying back in their own houses then some years down the line it will become the fact of the society. But will they have the courage to change the society?
By: Rak on March 26, 2008
at 3:32 pm
@Shyam…Well buddy, I dont agree to “who are sowing the seeds to spoil a happy marriage ??”
They do not come to our houses and “SPOIL” our marriages. I consider them as professional as Indra Noyi.. If we cant resist then we may need to look deep within ourselves
By: Rak on March 26, 2008
at 3:36 pm
@Baryaal: Nothing at all has been exaggerated here. The caption, the visual are all true! Yes, I am calling names. But, I dont see any reason why such men dont deserve such honour. You have not been able to convince me otherwise!
@Rak: You are talking about Jodha-Akbar… Is this not suppression of women that Jodha was married forcedly. She was not even asked before settling her marriage. What do you have to say to that? Also another incident from the movie is the dominance with which Shareefuddin refuses his wife from attending her own brother’s wedding. What do you say to that?
By: Nova on March 26, 2008
at 3:54 pm
@Rak … about the courage thing for sitting home….why blame it on them ….dont take it personally but tell me something if your sister or daughter decides to do this, what will be your reaction to it ???
I agree that if u cant resist them then u need to look within…tell me why is drinking banned in Gujrat, why is weed banned in India?? this is so because sometimes people are in state of mind when they become weak and their thinking power reduces and during those times if these things are easily available then it seems as an easy way out (some call it stress reliever) but u ask them in the morning if what they did was correct and a fair proportion will say NO
By: Shyam on March 26, 2008
at 4:03 pm
@ Nova… i dont believe the story is actually true but if i assume the facts in mocie to be true then….. It is supression of women that they are not even asked before their mariage is fixed… but wasnt the same true for many men as well?? their parents would fix their marriage and then they were told to act acordingly… but thats changing just that men have started acting faster and it kind of has been easier for them as well… 2nd yeah he refuses his wife to attend the weding but on a lighter note i am sure even you must have refused your partner to do many things and the poor soul would have accepted for maintaining peace in the relationship
By: Shyam on March 26, 2008
at 4:23 pm
@Nova….But u seem to be forgetting the respect that she got from Akbar for being herself…Tell me how many of us remember the dad of Jhoda and the bil when compared to Akbar.
Bottomline: Be urself and u will get the respect that u deserve from people (and that includes men too). Dont curse men if u cant be urself and buckle down under society pressure (and strangely blame the society for it). Please stop using “Mein ne uske liye apne sab kuch choda”
By: Rak on March 26, 2008
at 4:53 pm
@ Shyam…. I would feel myself blessed to have a daughter who would say that to me …as far as my sis r concerned I think they were too weak to even think upon that.
As far as “drinking banned in Gujarat, why is weed banned in India” is concerned, u get both of them
. That very well shows that banning is not an effective solution. If we were to accept that line of argument, then I guess everyone’ hands and legs should be tied up. Most people do kill/rape/misbehave because of that sudden gush of adrenaline. What better way to stop ?
By: Rak on March 26, 2008
at 5:23 pm
@ Rak .. thats nice to hear that atleast not in the present but in future you will help and support the lady in the family if she wants to act like this .. am happy and it sure will help if more people feel this way
As for banning stuff… i agree these things are still available but, at a premium and in short supply ..so in gujrat alcohol will be available but through good sources and not everytime u want it in sudden impulse.. if u need it u have to pre order but by that time the impulse thing goes away anyways …. ask any lady in Gujrat and she will tell u that she feels much more safer going out cause drinking is banned
By: Shyam on March 26, 2008
at 5:32 pm
Ok. If everything has been pre judged, why care knowing the reasons then? Yes, they are MCPs, the picture is true. Only men are to be blamed for whatever bad happens to women. And yes women deserve all the credit for keeping the world together. Does it sound convincing now!
و
By: baryaal on March 26, 2008
at 5:42 pm
@Shyam… “ask any lady in Gujrat and she will tell u that she feels much more safer going out cause drinking is banned”
Refer to the link, in 2005, Gujarat saw one rape almost everyday. (Wasnt able to get a more recent stat).
I am sure many states with no drinking ban are doing better
PS: No offence to Gujarat or those who reside there
By: Rak on March 26, 2008
at 5:57 pm
@Shyam…”thats nice to hear that atleast not in the present but in future you will help and support the lady in the family if she wants to act like this ..”
I am ready to do that even in the present. My sis were too obedient to consider a revolt
By: Rak on March 26, 2008
at 6:01 pm
@Rak …… http://ncrb.nic.in/cii2006/cii-2006/Table%205.2.pdf
Please check the website to see the figures for incidence of rape cases of the various cities in India in 2006, as you can see Gujarat has the lowest percentage and number of rape cases
By: Shyam on March 26, 2008
at 6:24 pm
@Shyam….I read it this way.Out of every 100 women raped in the land of “Bharat Mata”, Gujarat contributes 1.8% and Pondicherry conributes 0% and Goa contributes 0.1%.
(Alcohol – Pondicherry – Goa – they gel well
)
I am sure you have some other explanation. Let me know if I read it wrong
PS: Hope we are not thrwon out of Nova’ Ark
By: Rak on March 26, 2008
at 6:40 pm
@Rak… Are your trying to say that when a woman leaves her home to go to her husband, she is really not compelled to do it… Have you ever seen any woman in India who has the right to decide this herself … Good or bad, this has been going on for ages and will go on for centuries to come …. As Indians there are many rituals that we follow blindly, this being one of them
What do you have to say to that?
By: Nova on March 26, 2008
at 7:19 pm
@Rak… oh come on Rak, you are comparing Union territories with states…. those are predominantly tourist locations and have to be one of the safest to survive so the equations change drastically …..among states the ratio is one of the lowest
PS. oh come on she cant throw us out…we are increasing her hit count… in fact she should give us a personal thank u note
By: Shyam on March 26, 2008
at 8:14 pm
@Nova…Well, there are 2 varieties. A whole set of helpless women who dont have any say in their marriage. They think that by getting married they reduce the burden of the family. Not denying some of them end up being called as commodities.
The remaining set (not further subdividing) have a major say in their marriage right from the selection of the man to the selection of the mans wedding dress. Strangely, this section of women dont seem to be saying that they dont want to leave their parents house and instead the man come to her house. For a moment, lets not think how the man (in many cases, these r the same men who promise to revolt the whole world for a smile on her face) will react. The point is that they dont even say that. They seem to be happily following it. The saddest part being that when questioned they blame it squarely on society forgetting they are very part of the same society and they will have to be the change they seek
By: Rak on March 26, 2008
at 8:14 pm
@Shyam…Buddy, theres nothing wrong in comparing with UT. Delhi “contributes” a staggering 3.5%
Well, there are other states too: Arunachal, HP, J&K, Manipur, Megalaya, Mizoram, Nagaland, Sikkim, Tripura, uttaranachal (Boy, believe me, u know how to make me work. Please stay away from my Boss. FYKI, he is not in MUMBAI)
Now dont tell me that they are states suffering from insurgencies. I was just trying to say that gujarat is NOT the place with least % of rapes. Oh no…wait…I wasnt even trying to tell that.. My point was that alcohol and rape dont go hand in hand. Banning alcohol is no effective solution.
On a closing note,
“Numbers do not lie, but they have the propensity to tell the truth with intent to deceive” – Eric Temple Bell
By: Rak on March 26, 2008
at 8:35 pm
@Shyam…. “PS: oh come on she cant throw us out…we are increasing her hit count… in fact she should give us a personal thank u note”
I pretty much doubt. Looks like we have touched a raw nerve
By: Rak on March 26, 2008
at 8:38 pm
@Nova…”Have you ever seen any woman in India who has the right to decide this herself”
I have seen plenty and heard of many who decide most of the IMPORTANT things in her life including those who walk out (happily) of their STUPID relationships (those which they had selected or had dumped upon them).
PS: I am sure u will not harp on the word “most”. No one gets them all.
By: Rak on March 26, 2008
at 8:45 pm
@Rak….buddy buddy buddy u sure know how not to read numbers …. when u compare two states u have to compare the rate of crime given by (r) and not absolute crimes cause the population is different and surprise surprise gujarat is the lowest …so now what inference do i take from it???
PS. what can i say, i just pray that we didnt, otherwise i will be deprived of 30 mins of precious office time work
By: Shyam on March 26, 2008
at 8:54 pm
@Shyam…Dear dear dear…”U sure know how not to read” comments….When I gave u the previous message I had mentioned the way I looked at numbers (infact gave u the precise nos and asked for ur way of chart reading) but u came up with a different explanation asking me not to comapre with UTs
How did u read the nos??
I read it the following way
Out of every 100 women raped in the land of “Bharat Mata”, Gujarat contributes 1.8% and Pondicherry conributes 0% and Goa contributes 0.1%.
Not sure how they are defining “rate of crime”. Help welcome
By: Rak on March 26, 2008
at 9:07 pm
@Rak…..Dude dude dude… what can i cay… i would just advise that dont let your boss ever make u do any comparing work or project evaluation…. will give you a scenario… person A makes 100 bucks on investmnet of 1000, Person B makes 200 out of 1500 investmnet and person C makes 300 out of 5000 investment …am sure u willl choose person C as the best …but please never ever let ur boss know that this was ur decision
By: Shyam on March 27, 2008
at 11:13 am
Sad but true … MCPs do exist !
.. and even in case of so-called well offs, although physical abuse might be extremely limited (… or maybe not reported … who knows!) … but it may be more in terms of various do’s and don’ts and more at emotional/ psychological level.
By: Nikesh on March 27, 2008
at 12:17 pm
mmm… (Sathish, Now you don’t open your mouth… please)
By: Sathish on March 27, 2008
at 1:48 pm
@Shyam…Well dear, thanks for letting me know that. Will make sure that my boss sees that.
Btw, I havent still (from your answer) found how they calculate the R. Would very much appreciate if you drop a line on that rather than worrying abt me or my boss.
By: Rak on March 27, 2008
at 4:54 pm
@Rak… here you go… R = I (3) divided by population …. hope that clarifies
By: Shyam on March 27, 2008
at 5:15 pm
Thats much better. Thank you very much. It definitely did clear the thing. I tot they were reporting that (I/Population) under P.
I guess these guys were also caught under the same impression
http://www.4jat.com/jat_community_article.asp?jat_community=149
Coming back to MCP, does alcohol decrease the number of rapes?
By: Rak on March 27, 2008
at 7:17 pm
@Rak…. buddy buddy buddy…. please can you ask me one question? my small brain is getting confused in all this …i am asked about how to calculate (r) but the comparison is done with (p) …. and all along i thought that playing with numbers was easy…. hahaha i will try and explain this simply for u so that it helps in the future…. From now on when comparing two states in rape cases, wealth, corruption or any other crap, please divide the total no of cases in the state by the population of the state….and then compare the ratios….this will help u in arriving at a number by which u can compare the two cities more holistically…. no need to say thanks buddy, it was my duty to help a fellow blog spammer
Coming back to the topic i think alcohol does act as a stimulant in many cases for rape
By: Shyam on March 27, 2008
at 7:58 pm
@Shayam…
By: Rak on March 27, 2008
at 8:22 pm
@Nikesh
Ever heard of the existence of BiTcheS as well?
Sad, but true.
By: baryaal on March 28, 2008
at 10:03 am
Interesting post .
By: Vaibhav Pandey on March 30, 2008
at 5:17 am
Actually..we have to look at things objectively..sometimes women are also on the wrong. It is not true that men are always wrong. Anyway..equality can truely be achieved if and only if we have the courage to accept that both genders are equally suseptable to commiting mistakes in life.
By: aboyfromindia on March 31, 2008
at 1:14 pm
@Shyam: I agree with your arguement that even men werent asked before fixing their marriages. Naaaah there is a difference! When you say something to your wife out of authority or out of good humour!
@Rak: I agree with what Shyam has said about akbar having more than 300 wives and using them for his political ambitions. Also, It doesnt matter who we remember. Its that such people did exist. And Rak, I do not think earning people’s respect has anything to do with being yourself.
By: Nova on April 1, 2008
at 4:58 pm
@aboyfromIndia: Those were some words of wisdom! Thanks for sharing them with us
By: Nova on April 1, 2008
at 4:59 pm
@Nikesh: Absolutely!! Thanks for the support!
@Sathish:
@Baryaal: Chill dude
By: Nova on April 1, 2008
at 5:13 pm