Was having a conversation last night with a very dear friend. I was quoting to him one of my friends dads who wouldn’t allow her to work because she is a girl… And he politely responded “Haan, so whats wrong in that?” I was stunned! Shocked beyond wits… The friend I am referring to is one of the fairest people I have ever met… also practical.
So, I was motivated to think further on this… Do people in India really consider boy and girl child as equals or is it still a myth we want to believe!!?
The girl still has to leave her house when she gets married. She still is expected to be a home-maker first and then if she gets time, she can try being a CEO of a company. And even if she does manage both the jobs well… she will always be appreciated more for her culinary skills than her managerial abilities. This was what has been going on for eons now!
So, naturally parents thought of girl children as poor investments with no returns. I mean you raise a child till she is about 23-24 and then hand her over to some one else. Not everybody has the required selflessness to do that. Not even parents, whose love for their children is as selfless as it gets. Hence, female foeticides are so common! Girls were considered “burdens” and rightly so! Our society isn’t exactly “woman-friendly” you see!
In modern India, for all practical purposes, the guys also leave their houses when they are settled abroad or working elsewhere! But, that’s considered ok! Coz parents still have that “right” over their guy child which they do not have over their girl child, especially after she is married away! This was always a tradition which I have failed to understand. I cant imagine for the love of my life, who started something like this and why? What did he want to achieve? What was he
thinking?
I thought things were changing. Times were changing. I know of a lot of parents who got more support from their daughters they had married off than from the sons they depended on. My parents brought up my sister and I just like they would have brought up any guy child. Only difference was probably that we weren’t allowed to roam around as much as a guy would have been allowed. But other than that, the treatment was the same. One of my dear friends Mukta belongs to a conservative family. Her parents gave her as much right to study and evolve as a person as they did for her brother. Not once did they differentiate between their boy child and their girl child.
We need more such parents. We definitely can’t change the way society works. But, we can definitely uplift the society and bring about necessary changes. We have no right to punish a child just because she was born a girl. We have no right to take away her chance of growth and development. We have no right to take away her need to do something and chose a particular career.
We will have to stop ill-treating women under the pretext of their welfare!
You should meet my parents, we are two brothers and they do not have a girl child as such.
They have the contrary and seemingly more true belief that the girl children are more caring to the parents than are the boy children.
About working and such, I would think that its something that is a personal matter to them and without all the facts in place, I am not comfortable commenting on someone. But i do agree that there is a perception difference and that has to be taken care of somehow.
I am of the belief that generations are bound to be on the liberal side of the arguement. This is of course speaking of the educated “few”. About the masses is where I guess the real problem lies, I am yet to acquire a deeper understanding of that.
By: Assman on March 31, 2008
at 11:22 am
Thats why i rate the F as dearer gender. It had taken some many years to create M oriented world, but i m sure its going to take fraction for reverse.
By: N!ls on March 31, 2008
at 1:01 pm
Recently I met a distant relative (living in a non metro town … and is from an extremely well-off family) whose daughter has completed hr MBA and has a decent job in her hand at Mumbai.
During the course of conversation he said – “Meri iccha kam hai usse job karaane ki … kya karegi job karke ”
Reply by another relative – “Aisa nahi hai … ek aadh saal to job karne dena chahiye … ”
Both these statement reek of a strong bias and excessively controlling attitude that is present in mindsets of large section of people and this needs to go!
By: Nikesh on March 31, 2008
at 4:02 pm
Yes. So much for equality.
Yes. Female liberation is still a myth.
Yes. Girls are still seen as liabilities.
True reflection of the women’s lib movement in our country can be seen in the rural areas. Cities do not depict the true pic.
Girls are still sold, female infanticide is still rampant, dowry still exists, Sati still prevails.
Also, most parents in cities go in for higher education of their daughters coz they feel it is the “right” thing. Plus yeh unka farz hai…Basic education toh ladkiyon ko deni chahiye. But economic liberation & independence of girls is not important. Carving out a niche for herself is not important.
Try finding out how many % of our female IIM grads are only homemakers as against “complete” women (home + career)
Also, I would say – why look only at India? Is the world’s most advanced nation ready for a female Prez??
I do not think its an India specific or our cultural problem (though we are worse on most parameters). Most countries are biased against true women’s emancipation.
I would say we would be truly equal when we stop celebrating stupid days like “Women’s Day”. Ever heard of an “International Men’s day”??
By: alltalkandnoaction on March 31, 2008
at 7:43 pm
@ Nova… I agree with you in many points that yes the Indian society hasnt yet moved forward in accepting woman as independent, but i dont agree with one point and that is girls being considered as burdens….leave the bad examples here because the movement is still in progress but yeah in many families now a days man and woman walk together in their future….. ask any parent and he/she will never tell u that “Beti to ek bojh hoti hai” the answer would always be “meri phool dusre angan mein jayegi” …..they are not allowed to go abroad in many families not because there is an inequality funda but in many cases cause parents are still apprehensive about something happening to her.. Guys are allowed to go abroad and work cause yes there is a inherent belief that he is ours, but girls arent sometimes because her days in that house is anyways limited and maybe her parents want to have the maximum time with her and not because she is anyways gonna go….
Girls vs Boys, girls again outscore boys in another aspect: they are the only ones who truly get a chance to have two set of parents and have their undying love ….for 25 years she is with those who gave birth to her and then another 60 years she is with them who will see the rising of a woman in her… there will be lots of unfortunate stories where girls are treated badly in her in-laws place but on the same hand there are cases where girls where much more happy than in their parents house… but it can never be the case with guys
By: Shyam on March 31, 2008
at 8:18 pm
Someone remarked that the East makes a female a “subject”, while the West turns her into an “object.” Not sure if we will ever be able to strike a balance, but take it easy, take your pick, and have a life. Rona-dhona bhi chalta rahay ga
By: baryaal on April 1, 2008
at 5:26 am
@Assman: Sometimes I feel education does very little to broaden your thinking. What do you think?
@N!ls: You are so right!
@Nikesh: I know. And the situation is really sad!
By: Nova on April 1, 2008
at 5:30 pm
stop ill treating women? oh come on, what’re you saying? break the time tested tradition of india under the pretext of progress? no way hosey!
By: aniche on April 2, 2008
at 12:37 pm
The picture has not changed a bit if you go in the rural parts of India or even small cities. I stayed in a small town of India for my postgraduation and the situation there was an eye opener. The situation has not changed a bit. Only when you look at the families settled down in cities, you can see some changes in the outlook.
Can you believe that I have seen cases when the girl is told that there is an engagement ceramony in two days and the groom has already been selected without asking her.
Yes, the situations are changing, but they are still at a micro level.
By: Amit on April 4, 2008
at 7:08 am