Some time back, during a dinner table conversation, one of my friends mentioned that he and his wife had already decided that they did not want to have kids. Ever. This revelation was followed by stunned silence by some people and hot retorts by others. In short, he was reprimanded for even bearing such an unthinkable thought! This had happened a couple of months ago.
It was only yesterday when Nita’s post made me realise that not only do such couples have a name – DINK (Double Income, No Kids), they are actually a community which is fast growing, both in India and abroad!
The first thought that comes to ones mind when thinking of such couples is that of being judgemental towards them. Firstly, its difficult to associate with people who do not want kids (Come on! Now, who does not want kids???). Secondly, outwardly they may seem quite selfish. They just want to enjoy their lives and not have any extra burden of raising a child! They are pretty happy just earning and living their lives! This is a strange phenomena that has started developing.
You can find comparisons of financial planning and investments for DINKs, DISKs, and SISKs here.
Some more such interesting Acronyms are:
DINKWAD – Double Income No Kids with a Dog
DINKY – Double Income No Kids Yet
YUPPIES – Young Urban Prosperous Professionals
MUPPIES – Middle-age Urban Prosperous Professionals (!)
NOKs – No Kids Couples
DEWKS – Double Employed With Kids (These kinds are “time-poor”)
SINKs – Single Income Numerous Kids (Almost bankrupt!)
ORCHID – One Recent Child; Heavily In Debt (Scary!)
SINBADs – Single Income No Boyfriend and Desperate (Jeez!)
Inspired by Nita. Huh?
By: N!ls on April 16, 2008
at 9:26 am
@N!ls: The topic was on my mind for a long time… Nita’s post definitely did make me ponder over it again!
By: Nova on April 16, 2008
at 9:31 am
Hi Nova, thanks for the link.
Yes you are right, this is a hot topic these days because all of us seem to know of some such couple and you are right it is difficult not to judge them harshly. I remember when I first met such a couple at work. It was about 5 years back and they gave me strange reasons for not having a kid. They said they first wanted to buy a home theatre, a frost-free, a car and a flat and the kid later so that the kid could have all these things. They wanted to be first ’settled.’ I found their definition of being ’settled’ pretty odd! I remember I was very judgmental about them, but then when I thought about it, I thought well, that is their choice.
Overall though I still believe that children don’t need all these things to be happy. They just need love. But if a couple doesn’t like kids, for whatever reasons, then I think they shouldn’t have them. But in our society people are hesitant to say that. If a person says that to me, I will understand far more, because I feel they are being honest. Also I have seen in my personal life some parents treat their kids so badly, that I feel that they shouldn’t have had them!
By: Nita on April 16, 2008
at 11:56 am
Me and Chitrali r also not planning for a kid atleast for 5-6 years…As Nita said, first we want to get ‘Settled’ financially…we want a healthy amount of balance in Bank and in FDs..after that we can even think about having a child…So yes, financial freedom is certainly a major criteria in deciding to hv a child or not!!…Get married and then you will realise…
By: soham on April 16, 2008
at 5:27 pm
hey… just wanted to tell u what I think abt this…
)
http://aditivarma.blogspot.com/2005/05/of-pitter-patter-of-tiny-feet.html#links
By: aditi on April 16, 2008
at 6:34 pm
SINGACs – Single Income No Girlfriend and Cool
By: Sathish on April 17, 2008
at 10:33 am
Of course, the gals didn’t have anything better to do back then or rather they chose to be stay-at-home-mom, but now there are so many options, career, hobbies, whatnot, so babies take lower priority. Also, things tend to get more expensive with time and generations and babies are also part of that deal so…
And I think with joint family system, a lot of parents used to raise kids with no major problems, now it’s just the couple living, parents are usually out of town or out of country and there aren’t even any close relatives near by so the couple has to think about a lot of things before deciding to have kids. I think of it as evolution.
By: Kanan on April 17, 2008
at 5:43 pm
@Nita: Yes thats true… We tend to judge these people, when we should not. But, I guess it comes naturally to us. World would be such a better place if we just bothered about our own lives and did not care so much about others’. And Yes, I wholeheartedly agree with you that parents who dont know how to take care of their kids, should not bear them!
@Soham: yes Soham I agree with you… And your decision to not have kids for the first 5-6 yrs is pretty much understandable since you are both young and can do without additional responsibility. DINKs basically dont want to have kids ever!!!
@Aditi: nice one
@Sathish: And I guess u r one
@Kanan: I agree with you Kanan. But, these reasons are somehow not good enough not to have kids. I guess having kids or not is a separate decision, separate from all these reasons. We just tend to tell these reasons to ourselves in order to make us feel better!
By: Nova on April 21, 2008
at 6:26 am
I think its a very personal issue and there should have no reprimanding and retorts. Its their decision to make and I agree that those who are not cut out to be parents should not become one. I have seen so many people,friends and colleagues…a fathers with small kid sitting on bike in front of him doesn’t know he should not keep blaring bike’s horn..a grandpa doesnt know he shouldn’t sit with a 2 yr old to watch loud crackers being burst during diwali celebrations …many dont know they should not pull a kid up by only one of his upper arm..shoulder bone may get dislocated…many more examples are there. And the motherly instinct is so over hyped that a girl who doesnt feel so , doesnt like cootchie cooing any kid on train or bus is ashamed to tell that she doesnt like kids. Imagine the pressure for her to become a mother!! so EACH to his own and live and let live
By: Reema on May 25, 2008
at 9:35 am
@Reema: Yes it is a personal issue and yeah I agree with the point raised by you, to each his own! This is one life that we have to live… then why not live it the way we want to!!
By: Nova on May 26, 2008
at 10:14 am