I know… as soon as you read this topic, you will feel, has she gone insane?? The answer is so obvious… I wish it was… but, it isnt… and you will soon discover why!
Values are rules that you define for yourself, which guide the way you live and the way you conduct yourself. They chart a way of life. Having a value system or believing in some things means doing them for yourself! Not for any other soul on this planet.
People who follow certain rules adhere to them irrespective of the external circumstances, irrespective of how difficult things may get for them. Values are not based on convenience! In fact, anything that is convenient to do can not be classified as “value” at all. Having a value system and adhering to it requires utmost tenacity and a determination to adhere to it at all costs. Anything that can be compromised, or can be traded for something seemingly more attractive is not a value!
Let me explain this concept with an example.
Lets us say you believe in following traffic rules – you understand their need and believe in them completely. What will you do if you are driving on a deserted road at 2 AM and you come across a red signal? Now, there is no traffic police at that time. Possibly no other vehicle around as well. Will you then stop at the signal, wait for it to turn green or just zoom by? You will stop. The reason is that you are following it not to keep the world (the traffic cops here) happy, but because “you” believe in it! You firmly believe that if all adhered to traffic rules properly, there would be very few accidents, if any at all!
At the same time, if you follow these rules in broad daylight out of fear of loosing a couple of hard-earned bucks to the blood sucking monsters that our traffic policemen are, and you totally refuse to follow them when no one is around, then you are being a hypocrite!!
A friend of mine a few days ago passed a comment
Indians are hypocrites. Most people outside may not be morally correct, but they absolutely dont pretend otherwise
Just then, this statement got me thinking, is this really true? I dont have an answer to that. But one thing is true – We are a society where there is a clear cut definition of right and wrong! And anything that goes beyond the boundary of right, is considered wrong! Where the boundaries are defined so clearly and every wrong thing is considered non-righteous and frowned upon, it is not surprising if some two-faced elements breed and flourish!
Some examples of our hypocrisy:
We will pray with our hearts and soul to all the Goddesses, specially Goddess Lakshmi on Diwali. But, we will drown little baby girls in milk and call it a ritual.
We will keep our houses speck clean, but not think twice before spitting on the road.
We will preach morality to our children, and younger siblings but not think once before leching at the next girl on the road.
We will be fine if our girl friend or wife wears short tops or even sleeveless, but will fume if our sisters wear anything even remotely sexy!!
We will have all kinds of affairs in our lives, but will expect our spouse to be “all clean“!!
We will give away lacks of rupees to build yet another temple, but will hesitate in giving away 50 Rs to a needy person!
We will teach our children not to lie, while lying in front of them all the time!! Jao beta Aunty ko jake bol do, mummy ghar pe nahi hain!!!
We will be fine with any guy drinks/smokes, but will totally freak out if any girl does so!!
Can you think of any more instances of hypocrisy? Isn’t it a shame? At the pretext of following values, or living a life morally and ethically correct, we end up leading double lives – one that we really are, one that we show to the world!!
Any day it is more important to be true to yourself! Make your own rules and stick to them! I know it is easier said than done. The question here is that can you even attempt such a thing in India without being labeled an outcast?
i wrote a lot then erased it all. this topic is never ending!
if ur ever in mumbai, il let you know my thoughts 
have a nice day… and many congratulations for your upcoming wedding @>–
By: Naveen on September 3, 2008
at 1:36 am
just yesterday i was listening to Kishore Kumar’s song … darn, i forgot the exact lyrics … im sure you know ….
aisa koi nahi jis ne koi paap na kiya ho …
and then he goes on to sing something about …. pehla pathhar voh maare jis ne paap na kiya ho … apparently, in the film, people were stoning a woman for committing some crime ….. either way … yeah, we need to look at ourselves before go frantic pointing fingers at others.
By: Roop Rai on September 3, 2008
at 3:39 am
I’ll give you all except …
//We will be fine if our girl friend or wife wears short tops or even sleeveless, but will fume if our sisters wear anything even remotely sexy!!//
This is something girls would never understand.
By: daroga on September 3, 2008
at 9:03 am
ok firstly the value system..In my opinion its not just rules which we follow irrespective of the external circumstances, I think theres a lot more to it, one’s upbringing, environment at home, parents and even society has a strong influence on what we value and how much we value, anyways I realize this was not the main topic of the post
….
coming back to Indians being hypocrites and others being less of a pretenders, I would like to disagree a bit on this, may country may not have much to do with this, pretenders can be spotted irrespective of the nationalities..For example the concept of PETA all over the world, and how many of us still have turkey on Thanks Giving, how many of us go and check out the from what our clothes are made?.
Its a shame that many of us indulge in pretences you have mentioned, may be we should start something like, self change program or something, where we spot our hypocrisies in ourself in everyday life and start working on correcting them
By: Rambler on September 3, 2008
at 9:18 am
democracy! you forgot about that!!
By: vishesh on September 3, 2008
at 4:08 pm
hmmmm…. the topic is certainly debatable! We are most certainly hippocrits!! Can’t say about others outside India!!
@ Adarsh
You agree with what has been written there? Why won’t we understand it? What’s there to understand? Really its beyond me but i will be happy to know a guy’s perspective!!
By: Sakhi on September 3, 2008
at 4:09 pm
I agree with Rambler that hypocrisy is a human trait. Indians are just hypocritical when it comes or morality and about women. Overall out there in the west their “political correctness” is nothing but hypocrisy. In India we don’t have it.
By: Nita on September 3, 2008
at 4:45 pm
i don’t think having values is the problem. it’s that people don’t realise they’re practising double standards, that’s when hypocrisy happens. people don’t realise that what they’re doing doesn’t reflect what they believe, or sometimes they just don’t see it no matter how glaringly obvious it can be.
about the traffic light question, i would beat the red light if i were alone. for one, i’m alone. staying for the green light may mean that i’m exposing myself to danger – never know when seedy people come riding along in their bikes or souped-up cars and seeing me alone, i’ll be an easy target for anything they feel like doing to me.
for another, it just feels silly to be waiting when i know there isn’t anyone around and therefore the risk of getting into an accident is minimal. but then again, i value the idea of minimal commuting time more than obeying traffic rules when it doesn’t have to be applied.
if that makes my hypocritical, at least i’m honest!
By: sulz on September 3, 2008
at 7:27 pm
Again I would say these things should be personified; being Indian has got nothing to do with it. More ever we tend to forget the simple thing “that when you point one finger to someone else three fingers are pointing to ourselves”
By: BlueMist on September 3, 2008
at 8:40 pm
I’m quite surprised to read that you would consider Indians hypocrites, the same way I would call Filipinos hypocrites as well.
By: Den Relojo on September 3, 2008
at 8:43 pm
One of the most thought provoking posts in recent times.
I think there is some degree of hypocrisy in almost everyone. The magnitude may vary, but at conscious or subconscious levels, we usually have different yardsticks for judging different people.
In India, it is lot more a cultural norm to belong to a group with certain set of belief, which leads to this double standards I think. In many other cultures, the focus is more on individualism, as a result a person may not be that focussed on feigning a particular set of belief for anything!
By: Nik on September 3, 2008
at 10:11 pm
“Do values make a person hypocritical?”
Answer is simple: only when we try to apply them to others.
IMO, values are something personal and should be for ourselves, not for others to follow.
By: Kanan on September 3, 2008
at 11:33 pm
a lil somethin for u novz
By: Roop Rai on September 4, 2008
at 6:12 am
Great post…a highly thought-provoking one!
My view: Values don’t make people hypocrites…it makes them good human beings. Hypocrisy is when one claims to have/believe in certain values, but changes it for a while to please the society/loved ones/friends/relatives. It is basically the fear of being the odd-one out in a crowd — in fact, I’d say it’s the lack of strong values within — that makes one a hypocrite.
For instance, while waiting for the bus once, a lil’ girl came begging to me. I give her no money, but took her to the nearby bakery and bought her some food. I was laughed upon. The baker rolled his eyes and smirked! My friends said people’d make fun of me and think i’m crazy. Well, so much for the ’support and advice’, but i still do the same. My values tell me to feed a hungry person, not give her some money (which she will have to hand over to an ‘elder beggar’ at the end of the day).
But I still offer food 
I still hang around with the same friends. They still offer money; I don’t preach. I still offer food, they still mock me
My values for myself; their’s for them
By: scorpria on September 4, 2008
at 12:11 pm
Some times one would give in to the circumstance, that doesn’t mean they don’t have values… this doesn’t make them hypocrites..
Actually even hypocrites may have values.. well, that may not be of the accepted by everyone..
and i agree with Kanan
By: Sandeep R. on September 4, 2008
at 1:51 pm
@Naveen: I would have loved to know what you had to say on this Naveen In fact we all would Would give us a nice chance to discuss it on an open forum And thanks
@Roop Rai: Yes I have seen that song and its really touching! And point well said Roop
@Daroga: Please help me here Daroga. I really want to understand. I really do
@Rambler: Yes upbringing defines what value systems we aquire. But whether to follow it or not, depends on us! I think only when it comes to morality and ethics that are we hypocrites. For everything else, I guess people abroad are also hypocrites – a good example as stated by you!! A Self change program is a good idea… but only if we realise what we are doing is wrong and identify things that need a change!!
@Vishesh:
@Sakhi: I am curious too Sakhi. Lets just hope daroga does reply!
@Nita: Hypocrisy is a human trait, no doubt. I think Indian politics is also full of hypocrisy!!
@Sulz: Having values is wonderful Sulz. Its just sticking to them which is a problem Exactly… Coming to the traffic lights scenario, most of the junta thinks the way you do, and you know whats the result? Most of the road accidents take place in the night and they are fatal, coz people refuse to follow rules in the night, since there is nobody to punish them if they dont! Yeah it doesnt make you hypocritical since you dont believe in the traffic rules at all…
@BlueMist: Yes very valid point indeed!
@Den Relojo: Hmmm looks like we have similarities there!!
@Nik: Thats a very interesting point Nikesh. People do focus more on groups here in India… while outside, nobody will judge you as an individual, they simply arent bothered with what you do with your life…
@Kanan: Thats precisely the gist of the post… Values are for yourself not for showing people!!
@Roop: Awww thanks Roop
@Scorpia: Thanks scorpia Thanks for sharing the little anecdote with us… Speaks volumes about people’s attitude towards anyone who is willing to help.
@Sandeep: Anything that you can weak and change based on your convenience cant be “value”. Lets say, You do not give/take bribe. But, if one day you are in a rush to go somewhere, you wont mind slipping in a note or two. So convenient nai? If convenience is what is important for you, there is no harm in it. Just dont pretend to be someone else in front of others, and even yourself! Your value system may say “Its ok to steal. Its ok to kill”. Then so be it. At least follow that properly. Values are highly individualistic. What is a value for me may be crap for you… But I need to be true to myself and follow “my values” dilligently!
By: Nova on September 4, 2008
at 2:35 pm
Well, I stop for traffic-lights at all times, and so end up fighting a lot with cars behind me because of it. And I will continue to do so!
. In fact, I wrote a post on how badly we drive and how we just don’t want to follow rules:
http://quirkyindian.wordpress.com/2008/05/09/we-are-driving-like-this-only/
Of course we’re hypocrites. Others might be too, but we are the champions!
Cheers,
Quirky Indian
http://quirkyindian.wordpress.com
By: Quirky Indian on September 4, 2008
at 3:39 pm
Taking another example, if there is someone dying coz of a road accident (say your kid) and the auto/taxi guy asks for twice the price for taking you, on a deserted road at night.
What would you do?
I would consider, at that moment, saving someone’s life is more important than the value which prevents me from paying the extra money. Any other time, i might protest and find an alternative for paying twice the charge but not at that moment.
Values are made for your’s and the society’s convenience only. For the general ‘good’.
Priorities exists, even for values. This doesn’t, and shouldn’t, change the definition of value.
By: Sandeep R. on September 4, 2008
at 5:04 pm
This post is brilliant. I totally agree with all your examples. I’ve had the cleanliness one happen lots of times. People will keep saying how the countries outside are clean and ours is dirty. These people will throw everything on the road here but they’ll not do that outside because they know they’ll get fined. If fines get imposed here, they’ll say that the government is being too strict. My personal opinion is that you can’t say anything about the country or about anyone until and unless you’ve done something to change the situation.
By: ish on September 4, 2008
at 7:52 pm
Ahh! Hypocrisy in Indians…my pet peeve but somehow I am not getting what to comment. Facing a commenter’s block as Sakhi coined the term. But I second Rambler’s view on values. As for changing them according to convenience, I agree with Sandeep.
By: Reema on September 4, 2008
at 10:55 pm
Good post !.
Hypocrisy = Indians.
We believe in values which are customizable. According to each other’s convenience and benefits.
By: xylene567 on September 5, 2008
at 9:01 am
that is why it seems a must nowadays to have much higher personalities as example to follow. we had them in the history, we can also absorb a lot from them today and day by day all the hypocrytical within our being will fall off. it s a work of each and every person. but hypocrisy can be won for sure.
By: radha on September 5, 2008
at 9:05 am
@ Sakhi and Nova
If you want a guy to be OK with his sister wearing revealing outfits then you are basically asking him not to differentiate between his girlfriend/wife and sister, which is not possible in any culture. So the next time you see a guy objecting to his sister’s short clothes, while buying one for his girlfriend/wife, please remember that he is just being a normal guy. This is in no way hypocrisy.
I agree with Nova on all the other counts.
By: daroga on September 5, 2008
at 11:59 am
I would support that Indians have a tendency of being hypocrites. But, I am sure that we do have a bunch of minds who want to shun this hypocrisy.
Mostly out of belief or society fear we end up doing nonsensical things on the name of values.
By: Withering Willow on September 5, 2008
at 2:58 pm
Dear Neha,
I appreciate your post. I would like to say something here. I agree that some sections of our society is hypocritical but, please don’t generalize by putting “we” in front of all the examples. I am not saying this because it offended me or something like that.. i openly admit that i am a hypocrite sometimes, i have also come across 1000’s of people who just be themselves all the time.. and not being a hypocrites.
I would like to give you some example here:
In spite of all these debates, Indian value system is highly appreciated in other parts of the world.
Indian spiritual leaders have most of the followers in the world.
India is teaching spirituality to the western world today, this would have not happened if we were hypocrites.
An average Indian teen is far far ahead in differentiating good/bad based on situations.
and many more….
sometime hypocrisy helps….
coming to your wife’s and sisters example… relation ship of a husband and wife is different and brother and sister is different… husband and wife also share a physical relationship…..
But if the sisters want to wear sexy outfits out of their free will nobody has the right to object it…. because even wives are sisters of someone…!!
i thought most of the guys don’t like if their wives wear sexy outfits….
My only request is not to generalize the statements……
Regards,
Pradeep
By: Pradeep on September 5, 2008
at 3:19 pm
intelligently said…first time on your blog…the one you have done on joker is nice…and yes, you ought to check my dedication as well…its called Hope…
Scribblers Inc.
By: scribblers inc on September 5, 2008
at 4:28 pm
Fascinating post! I’m not sure, however, that people in America are less hypocritical than people in India. I live in a town full of fundamentalist Christians who it seems are constantly getting themselves into scandals — such as preaching against homosexual sex while themselves practicing it. Also, I think it is arguable that nearly everyone is a hypocrite to some extent. So, I am not at all sure we can say that any one people or society is in general more hypocritical than any other. Thank you for getting me thinking!
By: Paul on September 5, 2008
at 7:43 pm
Thanks to you
By: NewssyLee on September 6, 2008
at 1:43 am
Congrats ….300,000 wow u sure covered the last 100,000 pretty fast
By: Noobie on September 6, 2008
at 10:42 pm
Do women like men who are lady like and would dress in a skirt if given a chance?
No!! They like men who have gentlemen like qualities.
The world respects you for who you are and what you do. Please stick to what nature meant for you to do. Or else, those qualities would soon vanish from human kind and no-one available to perform those tasks that are so unique to you (women).
Similarly, men like women who have lady like qualities. And drinking and smoking are so not ‘lady like’. It takes the grace out of a woman.
A successful lady is one who has the finest attributes of a woman. Sensitivity, caring, meticulousness, high morals etc..
My point is that women should stop trying to do what men do, and men likewise. Nature has created the two sexes with unique qualities so that they can complement each other. Not compete with each other.
Many women are of the opinion that they are inferior to men because they don’t do many things that men do. Society is a part to this, but it is primarily because women do not realise the worth of things that only they can do. Like care compassionately for another human being. Be great planners and motivators to the society and more importantly their family. Bring life to Earth.
So, to all you women out there; you don’t have to smoke or drink or wear business suits and shout at the top of your lungs in a board room to make your point
By: Abishek on September 7, 2008
at 11:46 am
I hv one complain .. U never come back to my blog and reply to the comment which is a reply of ur comment !!
By: soham shah on September 7, 2008
at 11:46 pm
A contemplative and wonderful post.
I myself am guilty of being a hypocrite i follow rituals but I don’t believe in them. There are so many things which I have done just to please my parents but given an option I wud have abstained from them.
I wish our society & culture matures to a level where there is more tolerance for a change.
By: Smita on September 8, 2008
at 7:24 pm
Well, just for the open forum… a random collection of wtf things imho
1. spending on marriages like ones pop is lakshmi mittal… i dont know about hypocritical, but definately makes me think… why? why? why?
fukat publicity mil jayega 
for me, instead of a million lines of meaningless (to me) sanskrit shlokas, 1 simple vote of commitment will be the thing!
and even better if its at someone elses wedding
2. sehwags maa once said: “mera veeru kamayega. bahu ghar pe rahegi”… why? why? why?
bandi ko sochne do kya karna hai. wants to work; great! doesnt want to work; theek hai. infact, women should be encouraged to work. that ways, if (god forbid) anything goes wrong with the marriage or it isnt working out to the best interests of both parties, she is self-sufficient instead of just having to depend on her estranged husband.
thats enuff rants for this comment! moving on to better thoughts…
——————————————–
i think it was naina lal kidwai who once said when asked about the glass ceiling in corporate india: “its not about how many men have hurt my career, but infact its about how many men have been the reason for my success” (not exact quote)
and in the men vs women debate in your post, i think that one quote sums things up very nicely. for all the negatives, there are also shining examples of harmony.
——————————————–
ultimately (to come back to the pt in ur post), i think value systems or any system which imposes any kind of subjective rules is useless. people can and will trample upon them and easily justify one way or another.
personally i think to myself daily, it is 1 same world for each one of us, 1 same world in which we make our opportunities, our successes, our happiness. why restrict ourselves with loose definitions of right/wrong etc.
what is right or wrong? in my view, we are foremost humans and the only right or wrong is the right or wrong u do to a fellow human being.
insaniyat woh kehte hain na… whatever helps that cause is good and whatever hurts it is bad… thats all i think about values.
By: Naveen on September 9, 2008
at 2:04 am
@Quirky Indian: Agree with you
@Sandeep: This is an example of ethical dilemma Sandeep. One needs to look at this subjectively. Saving someone’s life is probably more important than anyone’s values. I am talking of the times when people change their values based on their needs.
@Ish: Thanks Ish. And you have put a valid point here. One does need to be responsible
@Reema: Heheheh commentor’s block is quite a term Well, it gets hypocritical when you change needs according to your whims and fancies. It isnt value anymore!
@Xylene: Exactly
@Radha: Yes it can be won!
@Daroga: Hmmm… but why is it difficult for you to believe that your sister is probably someone else’s girl friend. How can you stop her from wearing clothes that she wants?
@Withering Willow: Yes we do. You can spot a few on this blog itself
@Pradeep: By “we” I meant majority here
@Scribblers Inc: Thanks Please do drop by again
@Paul: Thanks Paul. Thanks for taking this post to a newer level where-in we are discussing that these things dont just exist here but are prevelant elsewhere as well.
@Noobie: Thanks Noobie
@Abishek: Hmmm there are some women who like cuter or more feminine men. I think its all left to the individual. Who decides if smoking and drinking is “men” like??? A bunch of smokers and boozers??? Who revel at the idea of a smoke or a booze!? And yes I agree with what you say that we shouldnt compete with each other, rather complement! That will lead in our growth! Last point well taken
@Soham: Ohhh
Sorry havent been very regular… Promise to come by soon!!
@Smita: Yeah happens to all of us Smita. And our society is maturing no doubt. Lets hope better things happen to us and we dont adapt only the wrong things of a mature society!
@Naveen: Hahahah good points Naveen. I think that quote is very interesting..I think you have a very nice definition of values It just shows qualities of a good human being
By: Nova on September 9, 2008
at 10:39 pm
@nova: arigatoo!
btw, if u havent already checked this out: http://seenthrumyeyes.blogspot.com/search/label/One%20Unread%20Message
do take a look! and read from bottom to top
By: Naveen on September 9, 2008
at 11:13 pm
@Naveen: What language is that??
Yep will have a look in a bit
By: Nova on September 9, 2008
at 11:28 pm
“thank you” in japanese
By: Naveen on September 10, 2008
at 12:02 am
Just stopped by! Have lots to catch up on your blog. Well to this entry, I should say I obey traffic rules any time and every time (ok..I might speed a little if possible
) Though I don’t quite agree to Indians = hypocrisy. I agree to Indians are hypocritical, so are others in the world. Moral policing happens everywhere at varying degrees. Maybe as Indians, we tend to criticise ourselves a bit more here cos we experience each bit of it. As some one has said, values are not the problem; imposing them harshly on others definitely is. Ok..lemme catch up on some other posts 
Like your theme btw
By: Apar on September 10, 2008
at 6:27 pm
hi wats up analyse_lover@hotmail.com
By: analyse on September 26, 2008
at 10:19 am
You have started a good debate. I think the example of traffic signal was not the right one. Following the traffic signal is a way of adhering to a rule that you make for yourself that you will not harm fellow commuters. So, if you don’t hurt anyone by breaking the traffic rule because the road is empty, I think it is fine. What say?
I completely agree with you about Indians being hypocrites. Others may also be hypocrites but we are the leaders…
By: jabir on October 14, 2008
at 5:02 pm